Though you don’t describe physical violence, emotional abuse is still domestic violence, and you may still want to reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline ( 1.800.799.7233) to talk more about the life you share with your partner. And, it sounds like the way he responded to you (by saying he was in the room the whole time when you couldn't find him) was gaslighting. That is very worrisome that your boyfriend is now encouraging this same type of behavior in your daughter too. I also want to point out the unsafe dynamic you describe – when someone belittles you or calls you names to degrade you or lower your self-esteem – is emotional abuse. Looking over these warning signs sometimes helps a person put a finger on something they felt before but couldn’t put into words. And think, do you have other folks that share in your concerns like a friend or relative? You may want to share these tip sheets even. Your concerns about your boyfriend's behaviors and comments are valid, and you’ll want to take a look at these Behaviors To Watch For When Adults Are With Children and these Signs An Adult Is At-Risk To Harm A Child. And although masturbation is normal and healthy at this age, it sounds like you have many other reasons that make you wonder what is going on with her. Though sometimes it can be difficult to tell whether what you’re seeing is a Warning Signs in Children of Possible Sexual Abuse with older teenagers, check-in with other places where she spends time – like school, other relatives, and with the parents of her close friends. When you see something that makes you have that “gut feeling,” it’s so important that you dig a little deeper and not ignore what you’re noticing, as you're doing. I'm so glad you've reached out to us for more information and guidance. Questioning a close adult’s behaviors is not easy, but is a vital step to preventing abuse. I’m sorry to hear that you’re having concerns about the sexual safety of your eldest daughter around your boyfriend. She just says that nothing ever happened. I asked her as well and she gets annoyed (typical teenager) and doesn't say much. I have confronted him and he denies ever doing anything to her. He doesn't tell me anything and I feel there's so much to him that I don't know. If it came down to it, he will never admit anything to me. I asked him if he was a pedophile and he denied it. He spoke about how young girls are easier to control and that "they will do anything." This was concerning and I confronted him about it. But when I asked him where he was, his answer didn’t make sense - he said he was in the bedroom the whole time and I thought this was a red flag.Īlso, he has talked about how he wanted to be with a "young girl" and that I was too old. I looked around the house, including in my daughter’s room, and didn't see him anywhere. Another day, early in the morning I got out of the shower because I forgot something and when I came into my bedroom, he was not there. Shortly after this incident, I walked into her room and caught her masturbating, although she denied it. He defended it and said that it took really long to get the food but I do not believe it. They were gone for over an hour and when I called him several times he did not answer his phone and the restaurant is 2 miles from my house. I didn't think anything of it and said yes. One time he was leaving to pick up some fast food and she wanted to go with him. For example, she'll imply that I'm fat and he'll imply that I'm ugly or something like that. Their jokes are often at my expense and sometimes I feel attacked by them. She and him play around and joke a lot together. When I asked him why, he said it was because he wanted to avoid any arguing with her as she was very disrespectful and is easily angered. For the most part when he would come to visit (we have never lived together), he would completely ignore her presence and acted like she didn't exist. It has changed, but previously both her and my boyfriend hated each other. She has always been a handful, but now that she is more mature, her behavior and attitude towards me is pretty bad and she acts like she hates me and is upset with me for something but won’t talk about it. I am pregnant with our 2nd child and I have 3 children from a previous relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together on and off for almost 8 years.
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